The River Cafe

We came for an Italian friend’s leaving dinner, expecting a Michelin-starred experience worthy of the occasion. We’d heard so much about this place and knew it was considered an institution, so we were genuinely excited. Sadly, it didn’t live up to expectations. The food was simple, the portions small, and the service —while friendly yet professional— was painfully slow, even on a quiet Tuesday night. It started off well: heaters were thoughtfully moved towards our table and blankets offered, which we appreciated on a chilly April evening. But as the night went on, the rhythm dropped off completely and the experience felt increasingly disjointed. My rabbit ragù was decent: comforting and well-cooked, but far from exceptional. The Anjou pigeon was far too heavy. Between our group, we tried over 15 different dishes, and honestly, nothing truly stood out. The crab was probably the best of the lot —nicely balanced and well prepared— but still nothing extraordinary. At £65+ for mains, you’re firmly in the territory of tasting menus at some of London’s most innovative restaurants, where creativity and precision shine. Here, you’re paying that price for simple, safe plates that lack imagination. Desserts were nice, but nothing to write home about. The cheese course came with nothing but a few crackers — underwhelming, to say the least. On the bright side, the wine list was excellent and the pairings well chosen, which was one of the few real highlights. It’s clear the restaurant trades heavily on its reputation. The setting is elegant and it may appeal to a certain crowd, but if you’re coming for the food, it just doesn’t deliver. For £140 per head, I expect something genuinely memorable — not a decent ragù, a sparse cheese plate, and a long wait between courses. All in all, it gets three stars — and not the Michelin kind.